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Perhaps it was the way he spoke which made me fall for him all at once, in spite of his non-existence, but I didn’t want to care. I moved towards him and perched myself on the edge of my bed. His hand began to run back and forth over the sensitive skin of my back. ‘I don’t want to,’ I replied to him softly, ‘this is where I sleep.’ ‘He didn’t call to say goodnight either, did he?’ Zack asked knowingly. I felt my gut churn as if circling sharks were forming inside there. ‘You’re worried he doesn’t love you.’ Zack was speaking of my boyfriend, the man who really exists. I didn’t want to think about him at this time, but Zack disagreed, he was going to talk about it. I felt his hand graze over the top of mine, like a coat on a cool winter day that kept just the right amount of warmth in it. ‘Does it matter?’ I asked. ‘Sure it does,’ he responded, ‘you want to be called. You want to be… held, and cared for… prioritized,’ he mused. ‘You’re worried he might not be there when you need. I slowly let myself down a little more, nervously putting more weight and widening my legs. Breathing control was difficult and another thing I didn’t account for, my bladder, was really getting pushed. It felt more like pulling forward then up and the ball end was cramming my bladder so hard it felt like I had to pee but…different. Probably good I peed beforehand. The sensation of pressure was expected but it had a very harsh burning as well, similar to urethral sounding, probably from the big metal hook pushing on my urethra (shocking!). I couldn’t lean forward because the rope was pretty much against my belly (blocking me from playing with my clit, sadly) so I had to kinda move side to side to rub my clit with the rope, rubbing more around it in a very inefficient way. Leaning back was substantially more intense in both good pain and bladder discomfort, so I did that very sparingly and I don’t know how much honest weight I got at this point. Difficult to measure. I thought maybe.
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